I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
