i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
