Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
