Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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