Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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