Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
