there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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