Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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