Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
