oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
