She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
