so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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