OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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