She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
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