I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
