just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
