Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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