i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
