I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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