She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
