I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
how does that bad decision feel?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
