im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
