Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
