how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
