Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
