I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
