I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I currently don't understand fingers.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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