first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
