I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
