I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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