Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
