The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
