So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
