I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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