Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Tornado booty call.. dedication
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
