My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
