Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
