His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
