Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
