Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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