theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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