last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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