At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
