That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
