So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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