I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
