just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
