Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
