don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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