I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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