Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
