I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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