He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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