Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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