He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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