Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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