dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think I died a long time ago.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
