You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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